Ein-GPT vs. Basketball

At school, whenever someone doesn’t know something, they always come to me. “Ein! I didn’t do my Maths homework! Can I copy your answers? Save meeeeeeeeeee!”

“Hey Ein! I have a History assessment, can you help me revise?”

“Okay-Ein! What’s the weather forecast today?”

I am the ultimate Ein-GPT. Unfortunately, there was one thing even Ein-GPT could not solve.

Basketball.

For the first time, I joined a basketball team this year. It was the worst basketball team ever. In those four months, we had lost every single game. Maybe I did belong there.

One day, Mr Murphy greeted us at the hall. “We’re going to do something different today. Your next assessment is coming up, and it’s basketball.”

Everyone in my class screamed with delight. I smiled while my heart screamed with horror. Mr Murphy continued. “Okay, now split yourselves into groups of three. You will play with your group against other groups, and the games will count towards your grade.”

Bodhi pumped his fist. “Oh YeAh! An EASY A! Ein!” He looked at me. “You’re on my team. Together, we will dominate the court!”

I looked at Bodhi’s eyes, which were burning with fire. My spine tingled. “Oh yeah, totally.”

I took a quick glance at my teammates. Ashton and Bodhi knew how to spin the ball on one finger, dribble between their legs, and shoot three-pointers! On the other hand, I was struggling hard to not keep dribbling on my foot.

Mr Murphy gave us all a number — ours was 7. That number would tell in which order the teams were going to verse each other. In other words, the worst teams were selected to go first, while the better teams were selected to go later. Apparently, Mr Murphy selected us to go last against the best team because of Ashton and Bodhi’s basketball background. What about me? Surely this was a mistake!

I observed the first game, when my theory was instantly proved correct. One person received the ball, waddled without dribbling straight to the basket, and tried to dunk… landing into the base of the hoop. Bodhi clawed at his face with his five fingers, as he looked towards me. “Ein! I’m traumatised! This is a catastrophe!”

I was worried. This was definitely my imminent future! What if Bodhi didn’t want to be friends with me anymore?

Team 1 finished.

Six teams left.

Team 2 finished.

Five teams left. I tied my shoelaces for the fourth time. My shoelaces had done nothing wrong. What if I waddled like that too? All the girls were watching! 

Bodhi was in charge of the gameplan. “Okay, I’ll drive in and pull the defence away. Ashton gets the rebound. Ein, you stay at the left forty-five and catch and do a spot-up. Got it?”

“Yep.” What the heck was a spot-up?

Mr Murphy called out. “Team 7, you’re on.”

My legs quivered beneath me. The image of the waddling player flashed before my eyes. I looked down at my feet. “Please don’t waddle.”

I looked at the audience.

Seth was there, who calls me big brain. Aliz too, who asked me how to construct a paragraph. Last year, Emilie asked to help her with her maths question thrice. She called me smart. The past tense was approaching fast.

Bodhi smacked my back. “This is our moment. I’m counting on you!” I’m counting on you. Bodhi, please believe in something else. God. Luck. Coin flips.

Mr Murphy threw the ball into the air: Ashton fumbled the tip-off.

I looked away, hands protecting my face. The ball landed in them. My hands didn’t expect it.

My brain calculated the trajectory, as I passed the ball to Bodhi. Bodhi did a spin move-pass. Something which I’d seen on NBA 2K26. Ashton took a jump shot. It was art.

It was a stalemate. Every time Bodhi and Ashton flew to the basket, the opposition would also score.

Meanwhile, I was contributing to the team in other ways. Emotional support, mainly.

My brain was in complete chaos.

Do something! You can’t just stand there! Help them!

But another voice screamed back.

HOW?! 

When I asked for the ball and missed, the girls sitting near the stage would witness my athletic downfall in 4K Ultra HD.

So instead, I continued my strategy of pretending to be looking busy. Ashton intercepted the ball, as a defender swooped upon him. Unable to move, he looked towards Bodhi, who was struggling to elbow another defender off his chest. Ashton looked at me. I shook my head, but it was too late. He heaved the ball towards me.

I froze. What was I supposed to do? Where was I supposed to go?

What should I do? Pass? Bodhi was covered. Ashton was covered. A defender looked at me, tried to dodge right, and tripped over his own feet. I had just been standing there.

Dribbling, my right hand slipped, as my left hand hurried to catch it; the left side was wide open. Bodhi yelled: “Nice crossover!”

The hoop was in front of me. I stopped thinking. Right foot, left foot, and then right foot again. I jumped, as the ball left my hands. Clang! My stomach dropped. I opened my eyes, as I looked up.

It completed its first rotation around the rim, then its second… and then — swish. We all smiled. Nobody cared that my crossover and layup were accidental.

Perhaps the basketball felt sorry for me.

But hey.

Ein-GPT is back online.

And now, apparently, it does basketball too.